One of the all-time favorite handouts of my professional career is Portia Nelson’s “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters”. It goes hand in hand with the previous survival skills entry “Possum Philosophy”. Human beings are notorious for repetitive thinking and redundant behavior that we somehow believe will eventually bring about new and stunning results. I am here to tell you that if it didn’t work after the first three times then the thirty-third as well as the three hundred and thirty-third time is likely not going to pan out for you either. Sometimes it is stubbornness; sometimes habit; and sometimes we simply don’t have the energy to do it differently.

In my private practice after filling out all the forms, checking all the boxes during a new client intake and admission session, my client and I generally had about a two hour get-to-know-each-other chat to identify crises, issues, problems, symptoms and desired outcomes of treatment. The last piece of the puzzle I was curious about was where did my new client currently see themselves in the process of healing and/or problem solving.

I think it might be helpful, regardless of where you find yourself on the self awareness and healing timeline, to assess what ‘chapter’ you’ve made it to on any given issue or problem. Take a moment to read over the following, applying it to life in general, specific relational issues or anything else that is giving you trouble. Read it through once to get the gist of it then read it again, slowly, and be really honest with yourself.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I still don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
It isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It’s habit. It’s my fault. I know where I am.
I get out immediately.

IV.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V.

I walk down a different street.

© 1977 Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

Even if the issue at hand is a minor one you need to be able to have that moment of clarity where you say to yourself “oh, I get it!” and then to own it, “and I see how I got here”. Feel free to mutter “dammit” under your breath if you are so inclined. Then give yourself permission to graduate to the next chapter in your autobiography with as much self-love, grace and compassion as possible. There’s a reason it’s called a gentle self assessment.